Author: admin

After my father died in 2008, it became necessary for Mom to move out of our childhood home in Moose Jaw. My brother Joel and I took on the responsibility of sifting through what needed to be thrown out and what needed to be kept, and then finding homes for all those things we had kept. That’s a story for another time, but in the process I found a wall hanging that had been in the hallway just outside my bedroom door. As a child, I had always thought it looked profound because it had lots of words on it, and the title was something I didn’t understand: Desiderata. I kept it. It hangs in my office now, and as I took the time once again to read it slowly this morning, it captured so much of what shalom means to me as I seek to lead FROM, TO, and WITH shalom. I invite you to read it slowly, perhaps out loud. Whatever phrase captures you, take it with you this day as a gift.

“Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you from sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.”

(c) 1927 Max Ehrmann

Shalom.

I’m no expert. That’s why I need you. Welcome to the experiment! It’s an experiment because Shalom leadership is a relatively untried practice. Leading with shalom in mind, as the ultimate goal, is something I’ve only been doing for the past 5 years or so, in a small church, in a small town, in a small province in an unimpressive country. As you may know and will see in this book, many incredible individuals throughout history have practiced principles of non-violent change & communication; they have discovered and unleashed servant leadership on the world, and there have been great moments in history as a result.

But it seems that the actions and efforts of stellar individuals like Jesus, Ghandi, Martin Luther King Jr, Mother Theresa and the like have always been just that – the work of stellar individuals, in exceptional circumstances. What about us everyday, ordinary people who are just trying to get things done? Can we lead in the same way, according to the same principles? Are there practices we can put into action in our personal lives, our homes, our businesses and volunteer work that are the same as what “the greats” have done? And more importantly, can they work for all of us?

I believe the answer is a resounding YES. In my practice of the principles I am beginning to flesh out on this website, I can testify to their effectiveness in changing me as a person; increasingly setting me free from addictive habits, building harmony in my marriage and with my children, and creating an effective team leadership environment. What I don’t know is how effective or lasting this leadership is as a change agent. Can it change culture? How does it affect the bottom line? I don’t know. I don’t know how many of the limits of my experience are because of me, or because the principles and practices themselves are limited.

But I also believe that the world needs shalom leadership to work. We are regularly and increasing torn apart by leadership that stirs up the exact opposite of shalom. In some cases, it’s because people genuinely don’t care about what effect their leadership has on others. These people exist and they are one of the main questions I have about shalom leadership – can it respond effectively to selfish, self-centered, angry aggressive leaders who are just plain wrong? I hope so.

I also hope that shalom leadership will be a light in a dark place for leaders looking for a better way, a kinder way, a more enduring way to lead. I think a lot of us are just frustrated, trying to do our best, but SO MANY THINGS seem to get in our way. Shalom leadership offers the hope of a way of leadership that doesn’t harm anyone, that enables leaders in all walks of life to create environments that are humane and that allow all to flourish. We need this to work. We all need this to work.

Is this an experiment? Or a revolution? Only time will tell. The ideas and practices are mostly theory and relatively untested. Do they work cross-culturally? Do they work in conflict? Can leaders at all levels with all sorts of giftings use them equally? I don’t know. But I think it’s worth a try. Won’t you join me?

Leading with Weakness

This is a practice that is at the heart of being a shalom leader, and one that runs contrary to most leadership practices and attitudes. It comes from a saying I heard at a 12 step recovery meeting. In that context, this practice of “leading with your weakness” refers to the idea that when you share in the circle of recovery, you are invited to begin sharing – not a moment of success, triumph or telling a story that makes you look good, but rather to share something that is a recent failure, something shameful, or shows your addiction in the most toxic and glaring light. You’re supposed to share it in a way that is not abusive of apologetic, but rather in a matter of fact way that reveals the heart of your addiction to the group. This cuts to the heart of ego, helps you stop pretending, and surprisingly, makes the group a safer place for everyone. In leading with your weakness, what we often find is that it is our weaknesses we have most in common with others around the circle. I often found that when I was starting to get at the heart of real honesty, and touch on real recovery for myself, there would be knowing smiles around the group, chuckles of solidarity, and tears of compassion. Leading with my weakness made others, and therefore the group, stronger.

I believe that this simple statement is a practical application of two profound statements made in the Bible. The first is when Jesus, in giving His leadership manifesto, said, “The one who would be the greatest among you should be the servant of all.” The second is when the Apostle Paul said that he boasts in his weakness, because it is in his weakness that God’s strength is made perfect.

Shalom leadership is about injecting shalom in situations and people whenever and wherever we can. As I have wondered what leadership could look like without coercion or violence, leading with my weakness is what helps me live it out practically.

It starts with another recovery practice, from AA’s step 10: “When we were wrong, we promptly admitted it.” This is precisely the opposite of what I have felt pressured into, and experienced in Christian leadership circles. We talk a good game about humility, but when push comes to shove it’s all about covering your own ass. We have such high expectations of pastors and Christian leaders that this puts unbelievable pressure on them to be perfect people – morally, physically, and in every other way conceivable. Because we expect people to be better than it is humanly possible to be, image and perception becomes more important to Christian leaders than reality. When a pastor begins to speak with real vulnerability about their uncertainty or doubts, there’s always a backlash – sometimes subtle and well meaning, often not so much –  that says, “We don’t want to hear that stuff – we don’t want you to have those things.” This creates a habit of pretending that sets leaders up to resist honest feedback and to hide when they do make mistakes.

In Primal Leadership, Daniel Goleman discovered that the people who see our leadership most clearly are the people directly below us. For parents, that would be our kids. As a leader, these are our direct reports. You know – the people we LEAST enjoy feedback from! These people see our strengths and weaknesses, our successes and failures MOST clearly. It was after I read this that I decided to stop pretending with those people. I began admitting when I was wrong as soon as I became aware of it. And you know what happened? Their respect for me went UP, not down!

In Radical Mentor groups, we begin the year long process with a meeting where the mentor tells their story. And again, they are strongly encouraged to lead with their weakness. As they tell their story, of course the successes, triumphs and successes come out. However, I work very hard to illuminate the mistakes, the failures and the shame. To talk about the fear and anger, the pettiness and immaturity. I lead the group on the basis of the mixed reality of my past and present life. This makes the group a safe place for the other people to talk about their deepest struggles and find real hope in the midst of them. So far, the result of this leading with my weakness has been to raise the level of respect and trust in my groups.

In my life and leadership, the practice of promptly admitting when I am wrong frees me from mountains of anxiety and anger. I have nothing to protect. AA’s step 10, when practiced as a daily discipline, results in a list of mistakes and failures from the day before that I have to make amends for today. At the beginning, it was a pretty long list and took what felt like most of my day to get through. As time went on, and I got better at admitting my mistakes in the moment, the list (and my anxiety!) got smaller and smaller.

Today, I can spot moments of weakness before they even happen. I am free from overpromising. I can ask questions without shame or fear. It took me some practice to lead with my weakness in a way that wasn’t self-condemning or full of false humility. Leading with my weakness is an embrace of reality, not devaluing or abusing myself. Leading with my weakness actually raises my confidence level when I am pursuing my passion or acting in areas where I am strong.

Leading with my weakness is making me a safer person. As I experience how people treat me when I have failed, I am getting in touch with how I would like to be treated. The more I live in harmony with my weaknesses, the gentler I am with them. As I learn to be gentle with myself, I find I am just naturally gentler and patient with others. You know who I am NOT gentle or patient with? People who are pretending to be more than they are; people who by their anger and aggression try to hide their weaknesses; people who lie and deceive and dodge responsibility – it’s harder to be gentle with people who don’t want to live in reality.

As I’ve talked about leading with my weakness and admitting when I am wrong, what memories have come to mind? What fears and failures are you ashamed of and protecting from discovery? I want to encourage you to make a list – write them down. Write down the people that have been affected by your weakness. Bring that list to a higher power or trusted friend. Ask them to walk through them with you, and see what you can do to begin making things right. This could be a crucial first step in living with more shalom.

If you don’t have anyone you can connect with, Shalom Leadership.org may be able to connect you with a counselor or 12 step sponsor in your area that meets your need.

What is a shalom leader?

A shalom leader is one who attempts to use their influence to contribute to shalom.

What’s shalom?

Shalom is a word from the Jewish religious tradition referring to the ideal world that God created and is seeking to restore. Shalom is loosely translated peace, but really means something bigger, deeper and more far reaching – wholeness, integration, harmony, or vitality. It’s the way things should be – globally and eternally, on every level. So someone trying to contribute to shalom could be referred to as a peacemaker, or a rebuilder.

A shalom leader, then, is someone who recognizes that they have influence. They may have a position of influence or power, but they just as well may not. Everyone has influence. Everyone leaves a wake behind them by the choices they make, the words they say, the example they set. A shalom leader is someone who accepts the responsibility that comes with that and tries to do the best they can with what they have.

Contributing to shalom can be simpler than it sounds. There are many ways to begin contributing to shalom.

You could start with yourself – are you at peace with your self, your past? A shalom leader could start by asking for forgiveness for wrongs they have done to others in the past, or making amends. A shalom leader could start by seeking healing for their own soul, or by clearing out some demons – real demons, or metaphoric ones.

You could start with God – closing the door on a god you hate, or seeking a new spiritual path, finding something worthy to worship or someone worthy to follow.  Asking for forgiveness is always a good place to start, or finding a way to be absolved from your shame.

You could start with your family – parents, spouse (ex or current), children. Investing those relationships with love and joy. The simple act of taking time to play, or listen is an act of shalom leadership. Random acts of kindness can be a way of beginning, of building up momentum.

In fact, starting small is probably the simplest and easiest way to begin acting like a shalom leader. The bigger you go, the more far-reaching the consequences of your acts of shalom, the more difficult and complex it becomes.

Take helping a friend with their addiction, for example. The simplest, most straightforward path of telling them to stop may simply pile on the shame and feed the demon of their uncontrollable pain relief strategy. Helping them pay their bills may actually enable more addictive behaviour. Being an agent of shalom in this kind of relationship may require some study, investigation, and may at times feel like you are doing anything but contributing to shalom. Sometimes being a shalom leader means sacrificing a lot of your own personal shalom to join someone else on their bumpy road.

A shalom leader with position, influence or visibility has to consider the systemic complexity of their organization. It’s not just the first result of your actions that need to be thought through and observed. People in organizations react very differently than individuals. Each person has their own relationship to the status quo and to change.  The bigger and older the problem you try to address, the more complex it becomes.

Once you start down the path of shalom leadership, it’s easy to get discouraged. It’s pretty tough changing our own attitudes and behaviours, for one thing. Simple habits turn out to be pretty deeply rooted once we try to change them. You start seeing how just about everything you do springs from selfish, lazy or angry motives. Attempts at apologies often land of deaf ears. Helping other people makes things worse, more often than not. Our first clumsy attempts at speaking compassionate truth, or bridging conflict-laden gaps stir up old wounds or prove just how stubborn some people can be.

In working with organizations, we may find the resistance to change to be far stronger than we imagined. The backlash may be swift, painful and sometimes devastating. “Can’t people see that I’m just trying to help?”

The first two virtues that can help a shalom leader seem to be humility and persistence. Humility in the face of how difficult and complex even the simplest of changes can be, and persistence in the face of how long it can take. Humility helps us to see that we can’t do this alone and opens our mind to constantly take in new information. Persistence will sustain us long enough to see the first fruits of our efforts as we gain wisdom and skill in making the right kind of contributions at the right times, with the right people.

Another habit that shalom leaders seem to develop early on is finding the positive. At first, it’s overwhelmingly easy to see what’s broken and needs shalom. Novice shalom leaders begin as activists – sometimes angry, always energized by the needs they see that need to be addressed. All to often, this leads to disillusionment and burnout. As we gain experience, we learn to see the little bright spots in the midst of darkness so that we have something to build on. These bright spots lead us to potential allies in building shalom – people of peace. As you build shalom, finding the positive is a crucial skill in order to know when and where to persist. It makes you responsive to what emerges and helps refine and focus your efforts.  

               Why choose to be a shalom leader, if it’s so hard, takes so much work and so complicated?  Well, I suppose first of all because a heart at peace is better than a heart at war. Violence always begets more violence. The more we fight ourselves, the more it spills over into our closest relationships. Human instinct seems to cry out that if we just hit our enemy hard enough, he’ll stay down but that never seems to be the end of it. There’s always another enemy, or the enemy’s brother, sister, son or daughter. Why be a shalom leader? Because the healing needs to start somewhere, with someone. Why not you? Why not now?